During parenting, the mistake we do, is comparing the children either with siblings or friends or others. This thing is much more prevalent in tier 2 cities. Even in metros, this old school thought still exists, ending up hurting a child’s self esteem and his true potential.
On the contrary, instead of comparing children with others, parents must inculcate in children to stop comparing themselves with others and make them meet with their own beauty, their own strengths, their own true self!
We need to realize that every human being is different, and we should not put them in pre-defined boxes. Children are also unique and have their own intelligence. Need not to be intelligent in one particular thing. The thing that our education system does is, they evaluate different beings on the same platter, on same merits, on same standards whereas in reality, it is really an absurd practice. Imagine if Saching Tendulkar’s parents had expected their child to be Einstein. Imagine if Michael Jackson’s parents had expected him to be a basketball player. It does not work like that. All the talented geniuses have their respective intelligence, and being intelligent only in studies is not the truth.
We over anchor academic success to child’s success. Sometimes, it’s the society which is at fault. We ask marks, grades, look for success in engineering seats, in MBA seats, in salary packages, that’s why we have over rated academic intelligence. Fortunately the world has changed a lot, and many other avenues are now open which provide the right value of different talents and one lives a dignified life. But still there is a long way to go, and needs a major shift in parents’ psyche. So, for children’s sake, let’s stop comparing them.
Set them free. Make them feel the sky. Give them wings rather than chopping off their feathers – There are many ways nowadays one can shine. And one has better probability to shine if one lives his/her true self. We parents, if sincerely love our children, should give them wings, to fly in their own skies. That’s the biggest thing we can do for them
Academics should not be considered as a gateway to successful life. It should be seen as an opportunity to learn and grow – We see academics and related grades as levers of success or failure. But we should change our perception. When we over burden children with academic performance pressure, one succumbs and gives up learning even the basic requisites. If our perspective changes, and we say to our children that marks don’t matter, but learn the thing being taught with true heart, we not only increase their inquisitiveness levels, but also make them feel motivated to learn the thing. Yes, all 50 children of the class can’t come first and running that race is meaningless
Make children realise their own beauty, rather than comparing them on one lever. Make them understand and respect talent diversity – When we compare one child with another, we take away from them their dignity. Yes, we demean a child’s soul by comparisons. We all are unique and beautiful in our own ways. Let’s understand that, and motivate a culture in which children are not rated on some predefined parameter but on their own individualistic parameters. By doing so, we not only make their live beautiful, but also imbibe the seed of inclusion and talent diversity, in which they themselves become very much supportive of different talents of people
Our intelligence shines in the domain we are blessed with – Sachin’s intelligence might not be great in studies, but is great in cricketing acumen. Roger Federer’s intelligence might not work in playing soccer, but people are left in awe witnessing his tennis intelligence. We can’t force intelligence. We have it already, in one domain or the other. Let’s cherish that more than standardising intelligence. Let’s provide that space and avenue to children where they get the room to apply their intelligence, where they feel happy.
Don’t enforce our own expectations on children – A parent is a CA, or wants to be a CA, so is that the correct thing to push the child to be a CA. If we are parents, are we entitled to pass on our baggage to new little souls who have their own uniqueness? We do very wrong when we pass on our expectation on our children, hoping them to fulfil our unfulfilled dreams. Please mind, children aren’t having any obligation to live for our longings. They have the right to live their own dreams. We are not entitled, and we should discard our entitlement if any
Children are little souls, having their own destinies. When we compare and enforce things on them, we take them away from their true potentials, which might bring out much better fruits than what we expected out of them. Let them make their own music!