Listening skills are the most important skills which affect our personality, but unfortunately are underrated. We see all around, people do not listen well, they misinterpret, operate from biases or preconceived notions, do not understand the gist but absorb what suits their biases. Why does that happen? Because no one exposed them to Listening Skills.
There is a lot of difference in hearing and listening. Hearing is just receiving the sound stimuli, without proper contemplation or understanding. Whereas listening is going a level deeper. Listening is diagnosing the cause-effects, understanding the thing well, reading in between the lines, listening to the unsaid, absorbing the best out of what is being said rather than being reflective. Listening skills in a nutshell shape our personality. Because what we absorb is what we demonstrate. Majority of conflicts happen, because we don’t listen properly.
To develop listening skills in children, who are high in energy, like an excited atom, who have shorter attention spans, who are thinking in their own dimension, who are a bit impulsive, is one big task. It requires patience and of course time to time handholding. And the fact is, if it is allowed to mis-develop, it won’t get corrected in a lifetime, unless some miracle happens and one changes.
Few tips and tricks to develop this important trait :-
- Ask children to practice patience – Listening requires patience. There is temptation to jump to conclusions or speak out about what we know, but in that pursuit, we miss on the larger picture and just operate from our own bias. Practice empathy, practise patience and listen emphatically – the 3 listening advice to be given to children all the time.
- Make it as a rule of the game – Let the other person finish first before you jump in. Anyone breaking this rule should be punished, in one form or the other. On the contrary, anyone following the rule should be rewarded. This way we inculcate the right habits
- Make them taste their own dish – if the child does not listen properly, jump in to their talks and make quick conclusions, only to reflect upon to them how they feel if someone does this. Sometimes we don’t realise unless it happens to us. So make them aware what others would feel if you don’t listen properly to others
- Demonstrate the right behaviour in front of them while talking to others, and tell them post the conversation – Children learn a lot from our conversations and our behaviours. Show the right behaviour which we want them to adopt, and consciously tell them the right behaviour so that the same gets fixed in their mind to follow. Be a good role model for your own child
- Ask them pros and cons of good and bad listening respectively – Play an activity. Include them in the learning process. Ask them only what are potential cons associated if we don’t listen properly or just hear the thing out. Ask children, take advice from them about what aspect of listening we should improve in ourselves. It’s a natural tendency that one becomes conscious of oneself, when he/she suggests something to others. Our whole agenda is to trigger that consciousness in them tactfully
- Expose them to right videos, content which has this subtle message – What we see, we become. To mould their habit and develop any habit, expose them to relevant content. The content leaves deep impression on children’s minds and they start inculcating the right things gradually
- Motivate them to talk quality and only when needed – When we talk a lot, we listen less. Ask children to talk quality, and if not much to add value, then better to remain quiet. This will push them to develop listening skills indirectly, because the time they would otherwise spend talking, now they would be spending in listening
- Reverse psychology – It means, tell them they can’t listen properly. In that pursuit, to prove you wrong, the child may start listening to you properly to develop that habit. Reverse psychology should be used wisely as per the situation though
- Listen to them properly while they talk to you, and tell them about it – Listen to them patiently, with empathy and emphatically, and then reflect upon once they have finished. When we listen to them, only then we are in a position to expect similar behaviour. We only have to set the tone, and initiate what we want them to be. We can’t expect them to be good listeners if we ourselves aren’t
Listening skills make a huge impact. It makes or breaks our personality. Imagine a person who argues more than listens, who comes to conclusions more quickly than absorbing the true gist, who misinterprets others leading to quarrels, rather than being empathetic, who just says his own thing rather than understanding others. No one would like that person.
So, let’s practice ourselves, and inculcate good listening skills in our children…
